After my mother died, my father and I had many conversations about heaven. It’s the place that I believed my mother had gone after her death—a paradise befitting her courageous life—and a place that my father desperately wanted to believe existed for the sole purpose of being reunited with the love of his life.
In our dialogue about the afterlife, we often laughed at the depiction of heaven in the movie Defending Your Life, where the recently deceased would watch film footage of their lives at the Past Life Pavilion, moments that highlighted the hilarious and incredulous. Then, as if watching eons of one’s missteps and mistakes wasn’t torture enough, a bus would transport each soul to Judgment City, where he or she would learn whether or not they would progress to higher levels of existence. If a person had lived a fearless life, they could move to the next level of the heavenly realm. However, if a person had cautiously gone through life carefully guarding their heart, they would be sent back to Earth to learn the lesson of loving and living without fear. Such was the case for the movie’s main character, Daniel, who was struggling to understand what was happening to him in the afterlife.
While trying to figure out his fate, Daniel falls in love-at-first-sight with Julia. Julia had lived an earthly life full of grace and generosity and was destined for the next level of heaven, but Daniel wasn’t able to transcend fear during his lifetime and was, therefore, slated for reincarnation. It isn’t until the final moments of the movie, when Julia and Daniel are leaving on buses headed to different destinations, that Daniel finds his courage. He risks his life by jumping onto the outside of Julia’s bus, which convinces the celestial judges that he has finally learned the lesson of living fearlessly. They allow him inside the bus, where he and Julia are reunited and can be together forever. What a happy ending!
But, is that what heaven is like, or is it more like the biblical description with pearly gates, rivers of milk and honey, angels playing harps, and a white-bearded God granting eternal paradise only for those whose names appear in the Book of Life?
I wondered about this ever since I was a child, especially after being indoctrinated into the belief that God is a punishing God. I desperately wanted to understand how to live a good life, so I would be granted access to heaven after my death. I lived in constant fear that I would unknowingly do something that would irrevocably cast me into the depths of Hell.
Heaven and hell became an obsession, and I read dozens of books on the subject to find the answers to my questions. It was when I read the accounts of children who had near death experiences that I began to reformulate my belief about God and heaven. These innocent little children spoke of being wrapped in loving light and having illumined beings gently guide them back to their earthly lives, which had not yet been completed. I trusted what these children reported, and that is the vision of heaven that I kept in my mind for decades—one of a loving God that did not possess the human qualities of anger and revenge. Then, I had a dream that altered my belief.
It was after my children’s father died. My daughters desperately needed to know that their Dad was alive and well in heaven. I told them what I believed, and I saw them struggling to accept this with their critical-thinking minds. That is when their father came to me in a dream.
The dream began with me walking down a street lined with shops, which was reminiscent of a village out of a Dickens’ novel. The setting seemed like it was in Asia, which I find strange, since I’ve never been to that part of the world. Everything—the people, the sky, the buildings—was in sepia tones, and the energy was depressive and heavy. I walked into an herb shop, and no other customers were there. An old man was standing hunched over at the counter with his back to me, where he was mixing a concoction of herbs with a mortar and pestal. He seemed grumpy and didn’t even acknowledge my presence, so I began to look around the shop at all the herbs, imagining what medicinal powers they possessed.
I was lost in thought when the old man called out to me. “Come here. This is what you want,” he said gruffly. I walked over to the counter, and he pulled open a drape that concealed a tiny door in the wall. I opened it and was blinded by the brightest light I had ever seen. It was radiant, bright white light that had specks of blue sparkles in it. It’s beauty and the blissful feeling that I experienced in the light defies description in human language.
I managed to walk through the door without being able to see where I was going. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I realized that I was in the most splendid place imaginable. The color of everything was pulsating with prism-like radiance—every blade of grass, every ripple in the ocean and every cell in the bodies of people walking past me. And, the colors made the most exquisite sound. Yes, the colors of everything had a tone, like music. Even the boardwalk on which I was standing had a sing-song quality to it. Blended together it sounded like a celestial orchestra. The sound permeated by body, and I became one with it and one with every drop of water in the vast sparkling ocean, the air breezing past me, every leaf on every tree and even the rocks and other inanimate things that I had never considered to be living. I stood on the boardwalk allowing myself to swirl in the living colored light and be consumed with the love that was contained in it. Then, I saw my husband.
He was standing on a pier near the boardwalk. I ran over to him with joy, asking, “Where are we?” He said, “This is where I live.” We started walking and were soon on a street with beautiful mansions, each one unique in its structure. I saw a stunning glass house surrounded by the most alluring gardens. Again, try to imagine that the glass in the house had a soothing tone, and each flower in each garden sang out in love.
I knew it was my house, although I was aware that I wasn’t living there yet. My husband said to me, “Can I live here with you?” I said, “Well, I’ve just remarried, so that wouldn’t be appropriate. But, you are welcome to build your house next to mine. The children would love that, and so would I.” He seemed sad about my decision, and I felt his sadness as if it was my own. I also felt compassion and knew that what I had decided was what was best for everyone. He returned to a serene mood, and I could see in the future that he would build a lovely home next to mine. Feeling at peace with our interaction, I told him that I needed to go back, that the children would be wondering where I was. He said, “Tell them that I am with them always.” Then, the dream was over.
My eyes opened, but I was still in a dream-like state, like I was floating between the spirit world and the earthly realm. I wanted to stay in that loving space, but knew that I had to fully return to my three-dimensional existence. As my body awoke, I “knew” that I had visited heaven. I shed tears of gratitude to have glimpsed such love and beauty. I kept the dream to myself for a while, not wanting anyone to question its sacredness. Then, I shared it with my children, who were just as grateful to receive a loving message from their father.
This became my perspective of heaven, and it fit perfectly with my evolving belief of an unconditionally loving God. That is, until I read about the near death experience of Mellen-Thomas Benedict.
Benedict had been an information junkie in the 1970s, but became forlorn as he learned more and more about what the human race was doing to itself and the planet. He came to believe that humans were a cancerous organism and saw no way out of all the problems that resulted from our callous carelessness.
Then, out of the blue in 1982, Benedict was diagnosed with inoperable, untreatable cancer and was given six to eight months to live. While he was waiting to die, he came to an insightful conclusion. It wasn’t the cancer that was killing him, it was his view of the world that was taking his life. He thought humans were cancerous organisms. He was a human. Therefore, his body manifested his own belief.
Sadly, this aha moment didn’t change his prognosis. So, as he approached death’s door, he began to read everything he could about life after death, as he didn’t want any surprises on the other side. Then, there came a day when Benedict knew it would be his last. He called a few friends to say good-bye and, before he knew it, his soul was standing outside of his body. He had the typical near death experience with the bright light beckoning him. He said it was magnificent, like running into your ideal mother’s or father’s arms.
As he was moving through the light he asked, “Please wait a minute. . .I want to think about this. . .I want to talk to you before I go.” At that point the experience grinded to an immediate halt, and he surprisingly realized that we have control over our afterlife experience. “What’s going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. . .” In a sort of telepathy, he understood that the light that he was seeing was the light of his higher self—that part of his existence that is directly connected to the Source, a connection that all human beings possess.
The light then continued to explain that there is a grid around the planet where all the higher selves are connected. Benedict saw this grid as a mandala of human souls, and in this elegant, exotic mandala he saw how perfect we all are in our essence. He said, “Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are.” Seeing that humankind was never as ugly as he had conjectured, he asked the light, “Does this mean that Mankind will be saved?”
The light responded like a trumpet blasting saying, “. . .you save, redeem and heal yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the power to do so from before the beginning of time.” Benedict realized that humankind was designed to self-correct, that this is what is meant by “the second coming”—it is re-membering that we are perfect, whole and complete and that we always have been and always will be directly connected to the love of our Creator. There is no separation. That is just a dream from which we were meant to awaken. The truth is that we are all connected—everything in the universe—we are one. Benedict was overcome with gratitude to understand this.
Then, the light said, “You have a desire.” Being an information seeker, Benedict acknowledged that he wanted to see the rest of the universe. Immediately upon his thought, he was carried through the light at the end of the tunnel, past the planets and past the center of the galaxy all the while gathering knowledge about the universe. Benedict said he saw many worlds abundant with a variety of life and that the good news is we are not alone.
The stream of consciousness on which he was riding was expanding in fractal waves of energy. Super clusters of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by, while his own consciousness expanded to understand it all. Finally, he found himself in profound silence. He had arrived at the Void—pre-creation, before the Big Bang, and before the first word, first vibration of the Creator. He immediately understood that the biblical I AM is really a question—I AM—What am I? With his expanded consciousness, Benedict realized that creation is God experiencing God through an infinite exploration, including through each human being, which answers the question, “Why are we here?”
With that quintessential human question answered, Benedict asked to return to the life cycle. It didn’t occur to him to ask if he would be reincarnated into a baby’s body or return to his own. But, as he was traveling back, he asked the light to never let him forget the knowledge he had gained from the other side. The light answered with a yes, which felt like a kiss to Benedict’s soul. When he opened his eyes, he was back in his body.
The hospice caretaker who had tried for an hour and a half to revive his dead body was shocked at his sudden return to life. Benedict tried to get out of bed, but still being in a dream-like state, he fell right onto the floor. At first, the memory of his spiritual quest wasn’t there, and he seemed to slip back and forth from the earthly plane to the spirit realm. Within three days, though, he was feeling normal, and he remembered everything.
The greatest lesson he learned was that “For each and every one of us to be the human part of this experience is magnificent. . .Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet. . .” Benedict said that before his near death experience he was a judgmental person, believing that everyone was messed up except him. But, after the experience, he can only see human beings as the manifestation of God’s love and divinity.
After three months, Benedict told a friend about the experience, who encouraged him to see if the NDE had affected his cancer. Benedict felt fabulous, and even if the doctor said that the prognosis was the same, Benedict wouldn’t have been negatively affected. He watched the doctor repeatedly look at the before and after scans before finally announcing that the cancer was gone. Benedict said, “It must be a miracle,” to which the doctor answered, “No, these things happen; they are called spontaneous remissions.” The doctor acted very unimpressed, but Benedict knew that a miracle had, indeed, occurred. With his expanded consciousness and newfound joy at the realization that humanity is a beautiful creation of God, his previous belief that humans are cancerous organisms could not be maintained. Therefore, his dis-ease could not be maintained.
Since then, Benedict has experienced the light through meditation, and has learned much. Where he once feared toxic waste, nuclear missiles and destruction of the rain forest, he now understands that these things are part of the holiest mandala we have created to date, as it has brought us together as a humanity with a common cause—to save ourselves and our planet. This, more than any religion or philosophy, has been a driver for a shift in human consciousness. This shift, which is nearing a tipping point, will change life as we know it, and problems that we fret over now—corrupt government, inadequate health care, energy crisis, war, poverty, homelessness and hunger—will be resolved in ways that our current consciousness can’t even fathom.
There is so much more to heaven than I imagined. I simplified it in my mind to mean life, death, reincarnation and, finally, nirvana. But, it’s really about infinite life and infinite possibilities of one whole—human beings having individual experiences within the whole that is God. It’s hard to wrap my mind around this, yet I recognize it as truth. I don’t quite understand it in my 3-D brain, but I accept it at a superconscious level.
Tell me. . .what do you think heaven is like?
(Reference: http://www.mellen-thomas.com/stories.htm)
